How to get completely Unloaded

This is an accurate way to get yourself completely unloaded and relaxed. Follow this style and experience the freshness in you.
NOTICE: Indian style bathroom users are requested to not follow this.

TRUE STORY

This story is dedicated to the man who inspired me. I was on my way to the ‘BASTI’ village near

‘LUCKNOW’. Before my arrival I heard a lot about him but when I saw him first, he looked like a dying ant. I completely underestimate him and turned my face another side but as I was not expecting he didn't call me from my back but came face to face. His name was PUTTAN MASTANA. He was very pleased and showed me his warm gratitude as I brought him so much happiness. I smiled and asked him to show me his village that was the time I came to know that he is unable to speak. He has no tongue but it was easy to understand him.

We took an auto and reached the hotel which was around 9 kilometers from the railway station.

I was so tired and I went to sleep but around 6 o Clock in the evening some weird sound woke me up, I went out and saw kids playing a strange game with flat wood pieces. They draw a line and places a piece of wood in a circle on the distance of 6 feet from the line and the other guy hits the wood with another wood piece, if both wood pieces crosses the line then hitter will win the wooden pieces.

After 20 minutes I gone out and ate some red sweet apples and then I found a cigarette shop. Shopkeeper was a young man smoking beedi. I asked him to give me CLASSIC MILDS and he reacted like I said something out of the world and replied that he does not keep CLASSIC whatever but beedis if I want to smoke, behind the shop few people were playing cards and in rage continuously abusing each other, wearing dirt cloths... their teeth were red, hair like peacock nest and lips were as black as coal.

One can easily see a spot of semen on their pajamas they looked so weird... while I was observing them. I saw PUTTAN riding a donkey and coming to my way as he saw me, his face got lighted up suddenly, like he found his long lost brother.

I Asked him that I need a cigarette, He looked at my face for a second and then gone somewhere... I went to a nearby tea shop and ordered a cup.

An hour later PUTTAN came empty hand. I didn't ask him for cigarettes cause by the time I was enjoying beedi.

I said nothing and went back to my flat. I took my camera and tried to fix its zoom and when I saw a girl living right in front of my bedroom window. She looked at me and the camera in a strange way. I waved her but she left with the same strange feeling on her face.

Things were going fine. But, the other day I woke up around 5oclock and walked around alone. Everybody was sleeping and I took some pictures. Unfortunately, I reached in a field and saw some heads, I became curious to see what are they up to.

I tried to see what they are doing. It was so misty and blur, I was not able to see what happening but managed to reach there and then what I saw was completely miserable and shameful for me. They were village women sitting in the open field sanitarium, suddenly in shock I screamed and they started shouting on me… they were abusing me in their language as if I had tried to rape them, I was so scared and after listening their loud voice village people also approached me with rods and solid wood pieces, I was unable to say anything in my favor.

They hit me with rod, stone, wood and whatever they got that time. It was all blood on me and finally they handed me over to the local police.

They started their interrogation and I told him that I’m innocent they also checked my broken camera… they asked me that what I was doing in the village or do I know anyone here, I told them my story and to call Puttan Mastana.

Finally, Puttan came in shock, he expressed his feeling that I am innocent... and after a long discussion they released me.They told me to not come here again. I cried and felt so shameful but Puttan consoled me. We both went back to the flat and gathered all my belongings then I took my way back to the home.

It's a fake story :)

When shit said “Hay Hole what’s up, here I’m”

There is nothing immortal but shit, which keeps human alive... the most important part of the body is where shit lives and that is "stomach". So if the stomach is well, the body will be well. Heart is like the piston of the body and stomach is the engine.

Every living being carries some waste in them and living can’t live without carrying waste in them... Let’s find out how food becomes poo… So, picture yourself traveling down your shit hole, into your stomach. After your stomach is done digesting, you travel into the small intestines, which then proceed to take up as much nutrients from the food as possible.

The food goes into your mouth and gets mushed up by your tongue and teeth with the help of saliva. Then it goes down through throat to a big long pipe into your small intestine. The enzymes in the intestine break up the larger parts of the food that your mouth couldn't do. All of the small pieces of food go through the holes inside the wall of your intestine and into your blood pipe and around your body in your blood. The bits that can't fit through the holes get moved into your large intestine and get mushed together. After that the water gets sucked out of the food and the food comes out of your anus as poo.

Whatever you eat is simple an action and whatever comes out is simple a reaction. But the most important question is that why does it smell so bad? And here is the answer.

If we eat junk food, then junk is what will come out the other end and our poop will be stinky! It takes about 15 hours for food to completely pass through system. So, if you think about that and the temperature at which our internal organs are kept (a nice 98.7 degrees Fahrenheit for most people), then some foods will definitely start to stink after so long. If we eat foods that start to stink in a short time, then what comes out will surely stink as well!

Mr. Phenyl (the toilet cleaner & Your shit killer)

Where there is shit,there i am ..I don’t need any introduction but remember my identification i am blue in colour and you will find me near by your commode all the time..I have only one enemy which is your shit. Change my name if i do not clean your commode in one go..Any kind of shit,If it comes in my way, it will become holy shit. Whether Junky shit or solid shit or iron shit i promise to erase all the evidence of your presence and make it clean like heaven.I grab the shit by its neck and with the help of water i sink it in deep underground, even its smell can’t reach you.. Rely on me I won’t let you down… You can count on me ;)


Once upon a time while i was busy in a commode cleaning, suddenly a negro came rushing in, he was badly feeling an urge to shit. Quickly, he dropped his pants down and released two,three pieces of shit. Each one was approx 19 or 20 cm long and so sticky it caught my commode. After he finished, he tried to flush his shit but nothing happened, it didn’t even move an inch and then he tried to flush thrice but nothing happened. He thought for a minute then took the toilet brush and broke the shit into small pieces and flushed it all with a huge smile and said ‘Was that the best you can do’ but it was not completely gone, few small pieces were stuck on side borders of the commode. And then he saw me, his problem’s resolution. I took hardly a minute to clean it, that neger was so happy with my performance and promised me to come to shit again.

UNIVERSAL PIECES OF SHIT

The Respectable holy shit:
It is a kind of Shit which looks like a perfect shit means the perfect mixture of all food you had in dinner. The piece of shit which is easy to drain and easy to eject.

The Ghost Shit:
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

The Hierarchical pieces of shit:
This shit is also know as a bungalow shit. Why ?, Because many pieces of shit together makes a mountain.One piece on another makes it look like a bungalow.

The Clean Shit
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

The Wet Shit:
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper
between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Shit:

This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

The Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Shit:
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

The Corn Shit:
No explanation necessary.

The Lincoln Log Shit:
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The Notorious Drinker Shit:
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the trade mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit" Shit:
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

The Wet Cheeks Shit:
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

The Liquid Shit:
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

The laughing angrily shit:
When you are pressurising your shit and it is denying to eject but still you are pushing it hard that time when your facial expression changes like you are laughing ,and veins of your neck appears out. Then remember this term laughing angrily.

THE NO MAN LANDS SHIT :

When you shit on others land to take your revenge.

TYPES OF HOLES

1).(_____O_____)………FATTY HOLE.

2).(__________<>__________)……….GREAT HOLE

3).(__!__)………..LITTLE HOLE.

4).(____I ---- …………HALF HOLE (WORK ON PROGRESS)

5).(____?____)……….MAD HOLE.

6).(____~____)……….SEALED HOLE.

7).(_____*_____)…………WOUNDED HOLE.

8).(____#_____)…………CHEAP HOLE.

9).(____%____)…………GAY HOLE.

10).(_____$_____)…………COSTLY HOLE.

11).(______I______)…………….TIGHT HOLE.

12).(____X____)…………FRESH HOLE.

13). (_____R____)…………READER’S HOLE.

PRICELESS PIECES OF SHIT

Epicurus: If shit happens, enjoy it, Play with it but don't make it angry with you.
Socrates: What is shit? Why is shit? Who is shit? When to shit? How to shit?..Answer me..
Aristotle: The essence of shittyness is in the atmosphere...Feel it son,feel it..
Archimedes: Hmmm... why doesn't this shit float? Give me a place to stand and I'll move any
piece of shit
Descartes: I think, so why am I in this shit? I shit, therefore I am. Leibniz (as interpreted by Voltaire): The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit. Thoreau: I wanted to live deliberately ... To suck all the shit out of life.
Sartre: Shit is meaningless! What is shit, anyway?
Freudianism: Shit is a phallic symbol so just feel the shit but don't think to defeat the shit.
Gandhi ji:This human is not as clean as Shit.
George Washington: Shit is not in west whole west is in shit.
Obama: That together,We will change the shit one day.
Abraham Lincoln: This female shit will make this world hollow.
John McCain: Our shit will be next.
George w bush: We will fight shit with shit, Cause we are the world no.1 shit cleaners.
Hitler: Lock all these Non-Nazi Shit in the torture room of shit, Hail SHIT.
Bill Clinton: Well...., I gave my shit to monica and hillary, Collect it from them..
Nelson Mandela:Why black shit is not free....We are better then white shit.Try us.
Thales: Earth, Air, Fire,water and SHIT.We are made of five elements.