Mr. Phenyl (the toilet cleaner & Your shit killer)

Where there is shit,there i am ..I don’t need any introduction but remember my identification i am blue in colour and you will find me near by your commode all the time..I have only one enemy which is your shit. Change my name if i do not clean your commode in one go..Any kind of shit,If it comes in my way, it will become holy shit. Whether Junky shit or solid shit or iron shit i promise to erase all the evidence of your presence and make it clean like heaven.I grab the shit by its neck and with the help of water i sink it in deep underground, even its smell can’t reach you.. Rely on me I won’t let you down… You can count on me ;)


Once upon a time while i was busy in a commode cleaning, suddenly a negro came rushing in, he was badly feeling an urge to shit. Quickly, he dropped his pants down and released two,three pieces of shit. Each one was approx 19 or 20 cm long and so sticky it caught my commode. After he finished, he tried to flush his shit but nothing happened, it didn’t even move an inch and then he tried to flush thrice but nothing happened. He thought for a minute then took the toilet brush and broke the shit into small pieces and flushed it all with a huge smile and said ‘Was that the best you can do’ but it was not completely gone, few small pieces were stuck on side borders of the commode. And then he saw me, his problem’s resolution. I took hardly a minute to clean it, that neger was so happy with my performance and promised me to come to shit again.

UNIVERSAL PIECES OF SHIT

The Respectable holy shit:
It is a kind of Shit which looks like a perfect shit means the perfect mixture of all food you had in dinner. The piece of shit which is easy to drain and easy to eject.

The Ghost Shit:
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

The Hierarchical pieces of shit:
This shit is also know as a bungalow shit. Why ?, Because many pieces of shit together makes a mountain.One piece on another makes it look like a bungalow.

The Clean Shit
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

The Wet Shit:
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper
between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Shit:

This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

The Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Shit:
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

The Corn Shit:
No explanation necessary.

The Lincoln Log Shit:
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The Notorious Drinker Shit:
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the trade mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit" Shit:
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

The Wet Cheeks Shit:
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

The Liquid Shit:
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

The laughing angrily shit:
When you are pressurising your shit and it is denying to eject but still you are pushing it hard that time when your facial expression changes like you are laughing ,and veins of your neck appears out. Then remember this term laughing angrily.

THE NO MAN LANDS SHIT :

When you shit on others land to take your revenge.

TYPES OF HOLES

1).(_____O_____)………FATTY HOLE.

2).(__________<>__________)……….GREAT HOLE

3).(__!__)………..LITTLE HOLE.

4).(____I ---- …………HALF HOLE (WORK ON PROGRESS)

5).(____?____)……….MAD HOLE.

6).(____~____)……….SEALED HOLE.

7).(_____*_____)…………WOUNDED HOLE.

8).(____#_____)…………CHEAP HOLE.

9).(____%____)…………GAY HOLE.

10).(_____$_____)…………COSTLY HOLE.

11).(______I______)…………….TIGHT HOLE.

12).(____X____)…………FRESH HOLE.

13). (_____R____)…………READER’S HOLE.

PRICELESS PIECES OF SHIT

Epicurus: If shit happens, enjoy it, Play with it but don't make it angry with you.
Socrates: What is shit? Why is shit? Who is shit? When to shit? How to shit?..Answer me..
Aristotle: The essence of shittyness is in the atmosphere...Feel it son,feel it..
Archimedes: Hmmm... why doesn't this shit float? Give me a place to stand and I'll move any
piece of shit
Descartes: I think, so why am I in this shit? I shit, therefore I am. Leibniz (as interpreted by Voltaire): The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit. Thoreau: I wanted to live deliberately ... To suck all the shit out of life.
Sartre: Shit is meaningless! What is shit, anyway?
Freudianism: Shit is a phallic symbol so just feel the shit but don't think to defeat the shit.
Gandhi ji:This human is not as clean as Shit.
George Washington: Shit is not in west whole west is in shit.
Obama: That together,We will change the shit one day.
Abraham Lincoln: This female shit will make this world hollow.
John McCain: Our shit will be next.
George w bush: We will fight shit with shit, Cause we are the world no.1 shit cleaners.
Hitler: Lock all these Non-Nazi Shit in the torture room of shit, Hail SHIT.
Bill Clinton: Well...., I gave my shit to monica and hillary, Collect it from them..
Nelson Mandela:Why black shit is not free....We are better then white shit.Try us.
Thales: Earth, Air, Fire,water and SHIT.We are made of five elements.

Yellow Constipation

So This time i was on my way out of town for a meeting. I had to be there at 8:00 am and it was three hours away. Driving in a new rental car (my truck was in the shop) I set out. As I left I felt that familiar twinge in my stomach. I knew a shit was a brewing, but I figured I had time to make it to at least the next city (1 hour away). About twenty minutes in, I realized waiting was a bad idea. I was sweating and having severe shit related pains. I figured I was about twenty five more minutes from the closest bathroom (a Safeway store at the entrance to town). I told my stomach to hold out that long and I promised no Mexican food for a month and alot of water.

Well the shit gods were not on my side this day. I hit construction and the road was closed with workers and bulldozers everywhere. I figured that if I didn't drive through the barriers and around the workers I was in serious trouble. I said fuck it. Through the barriers I went and past the workers who were yelling and chasing me. I yelled "I really have to shit though". I hope they understood.


So now I'm squeezing my butt cheeks together and doing lamas breathing. Saying " No...no don't leak my ass..don't leak ".I pulled right up to the entrance of the store and jumped out and started speed walking to the door. A worker who was walking out said to me, "we are closed till 8." It is 5. I stopped about two feet from him and let loose. It was a wet, runny shit that exploded through my shorts, down my legs, and into my shoes (is anyone else turned on?). I was shitting like I was alone; noises, grunts, and everything. So there I stood, face to face with this Safeway employee shitting myself and he had the nerve to say, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "Clearly I could not hold it any longer asshole" I said back. He tells me, like someone who has never shit himself in front of someone before, "You need to clean this up." I told him to fuck off and got back into my little rental car.


Not having a change of clothes, I knew I wasn't making my appointment. I turned for home, just me and my shit soaked clothes. After the longest drive of my life I got home, walked in the house, and got right in the shower, shit filled shoes and all. I got out and went to sleep, not wanting to deal with the shit soaked car. When I woke up I went out to look at how bad it was and saw my girlfriends dad looking over the car (He lived next door). I walked up and told him that I must have the flu or food poisoning. He said to not worry about it and to go back to sleep. Like a real dick I did. He cleaned the car the best she could.


The next day I took the still stinking of shit car back to the rental place. I left it at the drop off spot and got out of there. I can only imagine what the poor Hertz employee smelled when he got in that car. I mean there was shit on the fucking dash. I don't know how that happened.

A STORY OF A FLYING SHIT

A man was walking through paddy fields near his village one day on his way to his mother in law's house in the next village, when suddenly he felt the urge of needing the toilet. The fields were vastly covered in newly grown rice plants in a vibrant green color, and they had reached up to about 30cm tall. The man was getting quite desperate, but he wasn't very confident he'll make it to their house in time. Even then, he'll have to run in without speaking to them straight into the toilet, which would be disrespectful.

The only solution was to shit in the field, which was very open but no one was around. He rolled up his lungi (sarong), and squatted, balancing on his two feet and pressurised his shit to go out.The man shitted on the ground with a blast and then stood up. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, but there wasn't anyone. Suddenly he looked down at a moving object on the ground, and to his amazement, it was his shit which had formed legs and feathers was running,Trying to fly away from him! He felt very happy, and thought to himself, 'Wow, my shit is alive and flying!'. His shit then disappeared into the paddy fields and he carried on walking to his in law's village feeling very relieved.

TWELVE SHITTY BLASTS

In various world religions:-

Taoism: Drain your shit..
If you can shit,do it with attitude.
Shit happens, so flow with it.

Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.

Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit blast,Shit blast".
Confucious says, "If shit has to blast, let it blast
PROPERLY."

Buddhism: If shit knocks, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will knock again to your door next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation with bad digestion.

Zen: What is the sound of shit blasting ?

7th Day Adventism:
Shit knocks on everyday with one day off.

Hinduism: I've seen this shit blasting before.
This shit is not a religion,it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.

Protestantism: If shit get rude, it happens in liquid.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Episcopalianism: If shit happens, hold your hole.

Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.

Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you
anyway.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to US?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?

Islam: If this shit happens, it is the will.
If shit happens, take a hostage.
We don't make any shitty bombs.

Nation of Islam:
Don't take no shit!

New Age: That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit blasts, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
Were all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.

Jehovah's Witnesses:
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
there is only a limited amount of good shit.
Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit ejects door to door.
Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.

Secular Humanism: Shit is nothing we all are shit.

Darwinism: If brown shit crosses with black shit then yellow shit forms.

Creationism: And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there
came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.

Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Shit happens in your mind.

Atheism: I don't believe this shit!
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going
to taste it.

Religion from an Atheist's point of view: I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.

Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so
I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
What is this shit?!
I don't know shit!
How can we KNOW if shit happens?
You can't prove any of this shit!

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Hey, this is good shit, mon.

Mormonism: If shit happens, shun it.
Excrement happens. (you can't say 'shit' in Utah)
Hey, there's more shit happening over here!
Our shit is better than your shit.
Shit happens again & again & again ...

Energizer Bunny: Shit happens and happens and happens and ...

Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the shit right off you.


Southern Baptist: Shit will happen. Praise the lord!

Iraqi Baathist: Oh shit!

Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this shit!
This shit's gonna get you!

Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop
happening...

Unitarianism: What is this Shit?
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.

Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in threes.

EST: I am at cause that shit will not happen.
You're responsible for all the shit that happens.

Fundamentalism: There's no shit in the Bible.
Shit happens, but don't publish it.

SUPERIOR SHIT

Since we are very much indulge in shitty conversations then lets share some more facts and the fact is that in this world there is only one country which is dominating almost all the other countries,we know the countries name ----,So obviously their shit is costlier then ours so they won the title of superior shit.

Shit can also be used to establish superiority over another being. The most common phrase is eat shit! symbolizing the hatred toward the recipient. Some other personal word may be added such as eat my shit implying truly personal connotations. As an aside, the above is actually a contraction of the phrase eat shit and die!. It is often said without commas as a curse; they with the other party to perform exactly those actions in that order. However, the term was originally Eat, Shit, and Die naming the three most basic things humans have to do, and it is common among soldiers.

Interestingly, in slang, prefixing the article the to shit gives it a completely opposite definition, meaning the best, as in Altered Beast is the shit, or The Oregon Trail is the shit. Again, other slang words of the same meaning, crap for example, are not used in such locutions.

MY BULL WILL SHIT ONE DAY

Usage of this word is for something which is not explainable with only SHIT but it should be heavier in weight and shows the anger or frustation..
Bullshit refer to excessively complex, unreasonable, burdensome, offensive, or otherwise unwanted instructions, demands, rules, accounts, explanations, or other verbiage. For example, a contractor wishing to bid on a government job may refer to the paperwork required to do so as "government bullshit."
The expression no shit? (a contraction of no bullshit?) is used in response to a statement that is extraordinary or hard to believe. Alternatively the maker of the hard-to-believe statement may add no shit to reinforce the sincerity or truthfulness of their statement, particularly in response to someone expressing disbelief at their statement. No shit is also used sarcastically in response to a statement of the obvious, as in no shit, Sherlock.

In this form the word can also be used in phrases such as don't give me that shit or you're full of shit. The term full of shit is often used as an exclamation to charge someone who is believed to be prone to dishonesty, exaggeration or is thought to be "phoney" with an accusation. For example:

1."Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to invite you to the party, it was a complete accident... But you really didn't miss anything anyway.

2."You're full of shit! You had dozens of opportunities to invite me. If you have a problem with me, why not say it!"

The word bullshit also denotes false or insincere discourse. (Horseshit is roughly equivalent, while chickenshit means cowardly,batshit indicates a person is crazy, and going apeshit indicates a person is entering a state of high excitement or unbridled rage.) Are you shitting me!? is a question sometimes given in response to an incredible assertion. An answer that reasserts the veracity of the claim is, I shit you not...

A DEMURE PIECE OF SHIT

The word shit is usually considered a vulgarity and profanity in Modern English. As a noun it refers to fecal matter (excrement) and as a verb it means to defecate or defecate in; in the plural ("the shits") it means diarrhea. Shite is also a common variant in British English[1] As a slang term, it has many meanings, including: nonsense, foolishness, something of little value or quality, trivial and usually boastful or inaccurate talk, or a contemptible person. It may also be used as an expression of annoyance or surprise.

The word shit (or sometimes shite in Scotland, Northern Ireland, Ireland, Northern England and Wales) is used by English speakers, but it is usually avoided in formal speech. Minced oath substitutes for the word shit in English include sugar and shoot.

In the word's literal sense, it has a rather small range of common usages. An unspecified or collective occurrence of feces is generally shit or some shit; a single deposit of feces is sometimes a shit or a piece of shit, and to defecate is to shit, or to take a shit. While it is common to speak of shit as existing in a pile, a load, a hunk and other quantities and configurations, such expressions flourish most strongly in the figurative. For practical purposes, when actual defecation and excreta are spoken of in English, it is either through creative euphemism or with a vague and fairly rigid literalism.

"Shit" can also be combined with other words to denote the type of feces one has. For instance, "Snake shit" describes feces that are long and thin in shape, thus reminiscent of a snake's appearance. "Shapeepee" or "Shit pee pee" is another word for diarrhea, or can be used to describe feces that are almost entirely of liquid composition.

Shit carries an encompassing variety of figurative meanings, explained in the following sections.

ONE MORE BIG PIECE OF SHIT

Shit can be used to denote trouble, by saying one is in a lot of shit or deep shit. It's common for someone to refer to an unpleasant thing as hard shit (You got a speeding ticket? Man, that's some hard shit), but the phrase tough shit is used as an unsympathetic way of saying too bad to whoever is having problems (You got arrested? Tough shit, man!) or as a way of expressing to someone that they need to stop complaining about something and just deal with it (Billy: I got arrested because of you! Tommy: Tough shit, dude, you knew you might get arrested when you chose to come with me.) Note that in this case, as in many cases with the term, tough shit is often said as a way of pointing out someone's fault in his/her own current problem.

When the shit hits the fan is usually used to refer to a specific time of confrontation or trouble, which requires decisive action. This is often used in reference to combat situations and the action scenes in movies, but can also be used for everyday instances that one might be apprehensive about. I don't want to be here when the shit hits the fan! indicates that the speaker is dreading this moment (which can be anything from an enemy attack to confronting an angry parent or friend). He's the one to turn to when the shit hits the fan is an indication that the person being talked about is dependable and will not run from trouble or abandon their allies in tough situations. The concept of this phrase is simple enough, as the actual substance striking the rotating blades of a fan would cause a messy and unpleasant situation (much like being in the presence of a manure spreader). Whether or not this has actually happened, or if the concept is simply feasible enough for most people to imagine the result without needing it to be demonstrated, is unknown. Another example might be the saying shit rolls down hill which is particularly illustrating, the consequences of putting your superiors in a bad position at work. There are a number of anecdotes and jokes about such situations, as the imagery of these situations is considered to be funny. This is generally tied-in with the concept that disgusting and messy substances spilled onto someone else are humorous.

CAMMODE "THE HOLE WATCHER"

THE HOLE WATCHER IS STORY OF A "CAMMODE SEAT" I CHOOSE THIS STORY BECAUSE I HAD NO OTHER OPTION,YES.WE CAN SAY THAT CAMMODE IS NOT THE IMPORTANT PART OF OUR LIFE,IT IS NOTHING.WE HARDLY THINK ABOUT IT BUT INCIDENCES HAS TO HAPPEN IF IT IS IN YOUR FATE.
IN 1872 WHEN INDIA WAS SINKED IN THE ENGLISH ALCOHOL AND BRITISH WERE BUSY IN MAKING INDIA HOLLOW THAT TIME IN CALCUTTA A BRITISH OPENED A CAMMODE FACTORY!.BECAUSE BRITISH TROOPS WERE CONTINUOUSLY COMING IN INDIA AND FOR THEIR GOOD SANITATION FACILITY THEY PRE OPENED A CAMMODE FACTORY. THERE WAS A LABOUR IN THE FACTORY NAME NATULLA.HE WAS POOR AND SINGLE BUT HE WAS VERY TALENTED.HE MADE CAMMODES OF UNIQUE STYLES. HE WAS VERY MUCH INTO HIS WORK AND SO BRITISH WERE VERY HAPPY WITH NATULLA'S DEDICATION AND REWARDED HIM TIME TO TIME BUT NATULLA'S CO WORKERS WERE JEALOUS WITH HIS SUCCESS AND HIS WORK STYLE TOWARDS CAMMODE MAKING..
ONE NIGHT NATULLA WAS WORKING OVERTIME AND BUSY IN GIVING FINISHING TOUCH TO HIS LATEST CAMMODE DISCOVERY WITH THE DRAINAGE FACILITY ALONG WITH A ASS WASHER MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE OUR HANDS.SUDDENLY.THREE OF HIS CO WORKERS CAME TO HIM THEY ALL WERE IN RAGE AND KILLED HIM ON HIS CAMMODE BY PRESSING HIS THROAT BUT A BRITISH MAN SAW THEM AND CRUCIFIED ALL THREE OF THEM NEXT MORNING..
HIS CAMMODE WAS IN THE WORLD AND HE WAS ALIVE THROUGH HIS CAMMODE.

SIX MONTHS LATER...

A BRITISH WOMAN PURCHASED THAT CAMMODE.
SHE FIXED IT IN HER BATHROOM & SECOND DAY SHE WAS FOUND DEAD IN THERE.HER BODY WAS IN TWO PIECES.EVERY ONE WAS TERRIFIED BY THIS INCIDENT AND CONFUSED TOO,THAT HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO HER.THE GUY WHO SOLD THE CAMMODE KNEW THE MYSTERY & HE DESCRIBED THE WHOLE STORY IN FRONT OF A BRITISH SARGENT.WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT IS PREDICTABLE,YES THEY FILLED THE CAMMODE WITH STONES AND BURIED IN A FIELD TO TRANQUILLIZE NATULLA'S SOUL..

PURPLE SPARKLING SHIT

A SPARKLING PIECE OF SHIT....

IS JUST A PIECE OF SHIT...
Shit can comfortably stand in for the terms bad and anything in many instances (Dinner was good, but the movie was shit. You're all mad at me, but I didn't do shit!). A comparison can also be used, as in Those pants look like shit, or This stuff tastes like shit. Many usages are idiomatic. The phrase, I don't give a shit denotes indifference. I'm shit out of luck usually refers to someone who is at the end of their wits or who has no remaining viable options. That little shit shot me in the ass, suggests a mischievous or contemptuous person. Euphemisms such as crap are not used in this context.

The term piece of shit is generally used to classify a product or service as being sufficiently below the writer's understanding of generally accepted quality standards to be of negligible and perhaps even negative value.The term piece of shit has greater precision than shit or shitty in that piece of shit identifies the low quality of a specific component or output of a process without applying a derogatory slant to the entire process. For example, if one said "The inner city youth orchestra has been a remarkably successful initiative in that it has kept young people off the streets after school and exposed them to culture and discipline, thereby improving their self esteem and future prospects. The fact that the orchestra's recent rendition of Tchaikovsky's Manfred Symphony in B minor was pretty much a piece of shit should not in any way detract from this." The substitution of shit or shitty for pretty much a piece of shit would imply irony and would therefore undermine the strength of the statement.